Starring Andy Griffith...
With Ronny Howard.
Also starring Don knotts.
Hey, Andy! Barney!
I'm here!
Who in the world's that?
I don't know. You don't suppose
that could be big Jeff pruitt?
Hiya, fellas.
Well, Jeff, how in the world are ya?
How's the fishin'?
Oh, fine.
Hello there, little buddy.
Hey, hey! Hey!
Hey now, put me down.
Glad to see ya, Barney.
What in the world brings you to town?
You buyin' or sellin'?
Ain't buyin' or sellin'... I'm lookin'.
Lookin' for what? A bride.
You mean like a wife to marry?
That's the kind.
That's good news, Jeff,
but what are ya lookin' here in town for?
If you're fixin' to marry, what about Bertha?
Bertha?
What're ya lookin' so surprised for?
She's lived on the farm next to yours all her life.
Everybody figured if you got married, you'd marry her.
I like Bertha.
She's good company and good competition...
Always gives me a run for my money
every time we're milking the cows
and calling the hogs...
And doggone if I don't have
to take a back seat every time we pick tobacca,
but I don't wanna marry her.
No, for marryin', a fella wants a...
A female type.
Kinda soft and squishy-like.
I figure the right place
to find one of 'em's right here in town.
There ought to be a few
answerin' that description here.
Sure. I only need one.
I'll stick around town a couple days,
look over the available stock,
pick one and take her back to the farm.
Whoa, now, wait a minute, Jeff.
Now, hold the phone.
You can't pick out a wife in just two days.
Why not?
How ya know you're gonna find one
that wants to marry ya that quick?
I'm good-lookin', ain't I?
Well, yeah.
To protect a woman? I'm strong enough
well, sure.
Got one of the best farms in the county?
Well, yeah.
Then shouldn't take more than two days.
Say, listen, you want us
to help you find a bride, Jeff?
Oh, well, now, Barney,
I don't know that we're exactly geared
for that line of work.
While we're out trackin' down desperate criminals,
we might as well just keep an eye open
for a woman for Jeff.
Yeah, I guess we could.
Next time we go out on a manhunt,
we'll make it a womanhunt, too.
That's a good'n, Andy.
How 'bout that, little buddy?
Ain't that a good one?
I sure do appreciate you boys wantin' to help me out.
Oh, well...
Meanwhile, I figure I'll go out
and do a little scoutin' on my own.
Andy, good to see ya. So long there, little...
I don't wanna miss seein' a single one of 'em.
After all, I figure that every girl in mayberry
deserves a chance.
Trouble with Jeff, he never got over his shyness.
Hi, paw.
Well, hi, ope.
Guess who I just saw.
Who?
Jeff pruitt.
Yeah, he come in town this mornin'.
Guess what I saw him doin'?
What?
Standin' on the corner pickin' up girls.
What do you know about pickin' up girls?
Gosh, paw, what's there to know?
Whenever a girl walks by,
he just picks her up, and then sets her down
and says, "'scuse me, ma'am."
Just checkin' your weight."
For heaven sakes.
Opie, you better run along.
I got business to attend to.
Imagine...
Caring how much a girl weighs.
Oh, my goodness, put me down!
Um, Jeff, quit that.
Quit what? I'm just lookin'.
Well, you can't do it...
Put her down, put her down, put her down.
Uh, excuse us, April. Excuse us.
Jeff, you can't do that.
You can't be pickin' them girls up off their feet
right on the main street.
It ain't a marketplace for brides.
That's what I came for.
How can I find a bride if I ain't lookin'?
You can't do it that way.
Come over to the house. We'll have a mouthful to eat.
Maybe aunt bee'll have some thoughts on the matter.
I hate to leave my post.
A good'n might come along while I'm gone.
Jeff! Come on.
Mmm, aunt bee, that sure was good eatin'.
Well, thank you, Jeff.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I'm sorry we only had one leg of lamb.
Oh, now, don't you worry 'bout that.
Sometimes I take on a little light dinner
and later on I really pack it in for supper.
Yeah, this little gal
I'm fixin' to marry's
gonna have to be a good cook.
Say, aunt bee...
You got any possibles for me to look over?
Several, but, Jeff...
You don't pick up a wife like that.
You study over her,
and she studies over you.
Some folks take as long as a year to decide.
A whole year? That long?
But, aunt bee, that doesn't...
Have I got it. Have I got it.
Got what, Barn?
Have I got the answer for you.
You found me a bride.
A whole house full of 'em.
You can have your pick.
What's this, Barney?
Thelma Lou's havin' a hen party tonight
and what would be a better time for Jeff to see
everythin' mayberry had to offer all at once?
Tonight?
Yeah. There's gonna be
a mess o' pretty girls over there tonight.
You'll have yourself a time.
Uh, uh, Barney?
If this is strictly a female party,
how you figure on gettin' Jeff invited?
I-I mean, you can't just go barrelin' in.
Well, Thelma Lou and I already have that worked out.
We're just gonna casually drop by
and then, once we're inside...
I can look over the whole crop
and pick the best one.
That's the idea.
Oh, Barney, you're a real little buddy.
Put me down, put me down.
Listen to 'em giggling in there.
You two stay here.
I'll go around back and contact Thelma Lou
and see if they're ready for us.
Is everything all right, honey?
I dropped a few hints that Jeff pruitt's in town
and he's looking for a bride.
Barney, I don't know whether we ought to do this.
No, no, no, it'll be fine, and it's kind of fun.
You know, controlling destiny like this.
I don't know. Will you leave it to me?
I'll go get them, and we'll make our surprise entrance.
You sure are sweet to help out.
Okay, it's all set, fellas.
Now, remember, act surprised to see a room full of girls.
I'll get it, Thelma Lou.
Thanks, Mary.
Oh, hi, Mary.
Oh, excuse us.
We didn't know Thelma Lou had company.
We's just stoppin' by.
This here is Jeff pruitt. Hello, Mr. Pruitt.
How do?
I hope we're not intrudin'.
Well, no, you're not intrudin' at all.
Oh, well, good.
How are you, Mary?
Oh, hi there. Hi, hi.
Hello, girls.
We didn't know Thelma Lou had company.
We's just stoppin' by.
This here's Jeff pruitt.
Hi, girls.
Nice to know ya, Jeff.
Nice to see you.
By golly, I...
I never saw so many pretty girls.
Did I fix it up, or did I fix it up, huh?
Wonder which one he'll pick.
I don't know. It's hard to tell.
He's like a fella in a fancy restaurant.
He wants to order somethin',
but there's too much on the menu.
Hi, Barney, Andy.
Oh, hey, Thelma Lou.
Here we are, girls.
Oh, pardon me.
Need any help?
Oh, no, thanks.
I'll get some coffee. Evening, Jeff.
Evenin'.
How are you?
Hi, girls.
Nice party, isn't it?
Well, what do you think, Jeff?
Lotta spirited females in mayberry, huh?
Yeah.
What's the matter, Jeff?
Did ya spot a winner already?
I sure enough believe I have, little buddy.
Which one?
That one right over there.
Uh, are you sure?
Oh, I'm sure. You bet.
Well, if that's the one you want,
I'm sure she's a real fine girl.
Uh...
Are you sure that's the one?
Yeah, I'm sure.
Well, all right, then.
Let's, uh, let's go and meet her.
Oh, uh, hello.
Uh, uh, you wanna meet her, don't you?
Oh, sure, I do.
Well, come on... Uh...
Mmm... mm, no.
Jeff, she's...
I mean, she and I...
Andy, Andy!
Jeff!
Mm-mm, Jeff, mm-mm, yeah, not that...
Andy, uh, Jeff...
You see, Jeff, she...
Jeff, she... Jeff...
Of all the insane notions.
Of all the insane notions!
Us findin' a bride for him.
Just show me somewhere in the sheriff's manual
where it says we're supposed to run around
finding brides for people.
Go on! Show me! Show me!
Barney...
I'm disappointed in you, Andy.
I am really disappoint...
I can't remember
when I have been this disappointed in you.
What are you disappointed in me for?
Well, why didn't you stop me?
Well, I couldn't stop you.
That's right. That's right. Pass the buck.
Barney, I'm not passing the buck.
I'm just reminding you of the facts.
Jeff come to town looking for a bride,
you said you'd help him,
and you took him over to Thelma Lou's
and that's how it all happened.
Oh, why hash over ancient history?
It's all in the past.
The thing now is what to do about it.
Well, I guess that's sensible.
I guess that is sensible.
And the first thing to do is to go and talk to Jeff
and see if you can straighten him out.
Yeah, that's the first thing you've said today
that made any sense.
I'll go talk to...
Where do you reckon he is?
I don't know.
I guess he's over at Thelma Lou's.
Thelma Lou?!
Thelma Lou!
I'm here!
Oh...hello.
Hi, sugarplum. How are you?
Oh...
Fine.
I brought you these.
Well, Jeff,
there's something we've got to clear up between you and me
before this goes any further.
There is? Mm-hmm.
Of course there is.
Now, I know I got no call to ask you to marry me
the first time we meet.
Tain't respectable.
So I'll tell you what I'll do...
I'll go away and come back, and it'll be our second visit.
By then, it'll be respectable.
Here. You like 'em?
Yes.
Oh... Ooh!
Jeff!
Come on now, Thelma Lou.
You know you love it.
Oh, please!
Thelma Lou, you're juicier
than a barrelful of corn squeezin's.
Good-bye.
Bye.
Pruitt!
Oh, hi, little buddy.
I wanna talk to you about Thelma Lou.
I can't never thank you enough
for bringing me to her.
That's just the point, Jeff.
You can't have Thelma Lou.
Huh
you can't have her 'cause she's mine.
Yours?
Everybody knows that.
She's my girl. Everybody knows that.
You engaged to her?
Well, not exactly.
Did you ask her to marry ya?
Well, no.
Then it kinda appears
she's really more my girl than she is yours
'cause I ain't gonna beat around the bush.
I'm gonna ask her real quick.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna get some more sweet peas.
For just a minute there, little buddy,
you had me real worried.
I'll see ya, little buddy.
Why, hello, Barney.
Thelma Lou, it's got to stop.
What's got to stop?
And it's got to stop right now.
Nip it.
Nip it in the bud.
Nip what in the bud?
You and Jeff, that's what.
Nip it. Tell him you're mine.
Barney Fife, I do believe you're jealous.
Doggone it, Thelma Lou, you're my girl, ain't ya?
Of course I am.
All right then, nip it.
Tell him.
All right, I'll tell him.
You're darn right, you will.
You're mine, and you know it.
And you better let him know it.
And that's an order!
I had to do it, Andy.
I hate to get rough with a woman.
Oh, I know that.
It was just one of them situations.
Wasn't nothing else I could do.
I just had to adopt a "get tough" policy.
And that settled things?
Oh, sure. What else?
You know what I mean, Andy.
I mean, when I lay the law down
to Thelma Lou or to any other woman,
that's it.
Well, if that's it, what's that?
What's what?
Barney, where you going? I've got to fight him.
I've got to fight for what's mine.
You can't fight Jeff pruitt. He could kill you.
You expect me to roll over and play dead?
There's such a thing as self-respect.
A man can lose a lot of things,
but he can't lose that.
Barney, I can't let you do it.
This is my business. You got no right to stop me.
I got more than a right, I got a duty.
How would it look
a deputy sheriff mixin' in a roughhouse brawl
with a civilian?
A man's got to do what he's got to do.
Barney, I forbid you to fight Jeff pruitt
and that's an order.
Oh, that's silly.
Barney hasn't lost me to Jeff pruitt
or anyone else.
Well, he saw Jeff walkin' with you
and he knows he's been bringin' you flowers.
What about that?
I've tried to discourage him, Andy,
but I don't wanna be rude and hurt him.
And he's so persistent.
Yeah, he is that.
Jeff's a good old buddy.
He just don't know any better.
Well, seems to me
he's got to learn he can't pick a wife
like he would another head of livestock.
What makes him think
I'd wanna go live on a farm with him?
Well, I'll tell you one thing...
Jeff wouldn't be able to live in town.
No. Fellas like him's
been used to living out in the open that way.
Why, he'd kick like a buckin' bronco cooped up.
You know...
Thelma Lou, we're gonna have to do a little bronco bustin'.
You mean there's a chance she might not wanna marry me?
That's right, Jeff,
but don't you get discouraged now.
There's just as good a chance
that she might wanna marry ya if...
If what?
If you fill the bill
on what's her idea of a dream prince.
Well, I sure like that little gal.
I aim to please her.
Good. Good.
Now, the first thing, cut out the rough stuff.
Quit pickin' up Thelma Lou every time you see her
and shakin' her.
I do?
Yeah. You got to be gentle with her.
What you do when you see her
is you bow from the waist, take a hold of her hand...
Don't squeeze it, just easy.
Now, if you're feelin' real bold,
you give her fingers a little kissy.
Like that.
That's bold?
That's the gentleman's way.
Everything's gonna be fine. It just takes practice.
You wanna please your bride
sure I do.
So you're gonna have to learn these things.
You know what Thelma Lou always says.
She always says that she likes a man
with etiquette and social grace.
Ain't that right, aunt bee?
If she said it once, she said it a thousand times.
You're gonna have to learn these things.
Come on, one more time.
Practice makes perfect.
This is your cookie plate.
That's your teacup.
Go ahead.
Good.
One more time.
This is your cookie plate.
That's your teacup.
Aw, but, Andy,
what do I need a new suit for?
Jeff, we got you acting like a gentleman.
Now we got to get you lookin' like one.
Aw, but, Andy, I...
And when we do, you'll be ready for a date with Thelma Lou.
Come on. All right.
Well...
Good evenin', Jeff.
Evenin', Thelma Lou.
Come on in.
Let me take your hat.
Thank you.
My, don't you look nice.
That's a good-lookin' suit.
The biggest one they had.
How about something to eat?
I've made some supper for us.
That sounds good. I'm starved.
You come right over here and sit down.
Honey pie,
somebody got into your food
and tore it into little teeny pieces.
Oh, you silly boy.
They're finger sandwiches.
Well?
Kinda good.
Whets my appetite for supper.
Why, Jeff, this is supper.
You're joking.
Why, no.
Can you honestly call that a meal?
I believe in keeping trim.
Trim? Why, there ain't enough meal there to...
To get skinny on.
Jeffrey, you say the wittiest things.
Now, you just sit right back there
and enjoy your supper.
Come in.
Hi there, you two.
Have I got news for you.
It's about a house.
A house for us?
I've been speaking to Tom biggers.
He's got three dandy ones for sale.
You can take your pick.
What do I want with a house in town?
I got a farm already.
You'll be sellin' that and moving into town
now that you're marryin' Thelma Lou.
I'm afraid I'm just not the farm girl type.
I hope you don't mind.
Oh, Jeff understands.
And that ain't the only good news.
I've been lookin' into some jobs you can get.
Jobs?
There's a opening down at the bank.
They need another guard.
Or you can work in the vegetable department
over at crowley's market
or... and I saved the best for last...
You can go right to work as a shoe clerk
at Harvey willick's store, huh?
Yes, I believe that is best.
I think, Jeff, that's the job we'll take.
And then I...
We?
Now, just a darn minute here, you two.
If you think I'm gonna work in a shoe store,
you got another thing comin'.
A pruitt's never worked in a place that had a roof on it.
And there never was a pruitt that ever wore a tie
or ever wore a suit...
Or ever tried to ride a cup and saucer
piggyback on his knee.
You know something?
I believe you're tryin' to change me.
Why, Jeff...
And I ain't gonna have no part of it.
At least Bertha likes me the way I am.
The deal's off.
Barney, what are...?
I know I promised, but I can't help it.
A man's got to do what he's got to do.
All right, Jeff, put 'em up!
I'm gonna fight ya.
I don't wanna fight you, Barney.
Either fight or get out of here.
I'm going. I'm going.
Well, how about that?
Well, you know the old saying...
"the bigger they come, the harder they fall."
And here's another old saying, baby...
"to the winner belongs the spoils."
Come here, you.
You know something, Andy?
What?
That little incident with Jeff really taught me something.
It did?
Yeah.
You don't actually have to use physical force
if you just show the other fella you mean business.
Just quietly let him know that you got it...
If you need it.
Walk softly and carry a big stick, huh?
That's about it.
Well, how do you like that?
Joe waters ought to know better than that.
I'll handle this.
Hey, Joe.
You know that's a no parking zone.
Now, you'll get if you know what's good for you.
What was that you said?
I don't chew my cabbage twice!
Now you get that car out of here!
Why, you little.
Okay, Barney. Okay.
Well, I can handle it.
Be firm. Send 'em on their way.
I hate fighting. It's ugly.